Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
