You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
