You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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