he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
