In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
