At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
