That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
