Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
