The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
