did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
