You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
