so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
