After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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