i jhust puked up my retainher.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
