so explain again why im purple
no
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
