Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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