She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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