Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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