dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
