I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
