I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
