you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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