put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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