Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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