the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
