Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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