Apparently you make a good broom.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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