True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
its liver damage thursday
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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