I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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