porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
