I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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