The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
