I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
