lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
