guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
