i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i now understand why vodka
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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