i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
