you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
