you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
