I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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