you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
