so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
