do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
