i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
