My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize