it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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