Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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