How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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