Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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