Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
