i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
