this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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